You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You’re looking into my heart
Words I’ve sung many times. They are so familiar that my mouth can easily form them without my mind engaging them at all. It happens sometimes.
But not this morning.
This morning as I sang those words, I felt incredibly grateful for God’s relentless pursuit of my heart. He doesn’t just let me be. He doesn’t stop shining light on the junk in there—the sore spots, the blind spots, the calloused spots, and the stubborn spots. He doesn’t stop drawing, stirring, healing, growing, refining or sharpening. No matter how many times we have to revisit the same thing or how many layers of ugly or stubborn there are—he doesn’t stop.
People, on the other hand, will always stop at some point—no matter how much they love me. They have to. For one thing, they can’t see it all. Sometimes that’s because I don’t want them to. But even if I let them in, they just aren’t capable of discerning every motive of my every thought and action. When they can see, they will only go so far to help me with my heart. They stop when its awkward, painful, or frustrating. They stop for the sake of peace. They stop because my issues are draining. They stop because they don’t know how else to help.
He’s intent on my heart. And he sees—oh how he sees. Sometimes that makes me squirm, but today that is a tremendous source of relief and security. In the awareness of my desperate need, his fierce and unrelenting passion feels like a lifeline. I am not stuck and I will never be stuck.
Yes, he loves me as I am, but he also knows who I can be. He knows intimately where I struggle and what holds me back. He wants to see me freed from the likes of fear, insecurity, deceit, and doubt. He wants my strength, beauty, and potential to be unshackled. And he is able. As much of my heart as I offer to him, he will take, and he will transform. I can and should expect to grow and to look more and more like him all the time.
That’s really good to know.