Nearly every woman compares herself to another woman at least sometimes. We usually choose to scrutinize things about her that are crisis areas in our own identity. It can be anything from how she looks in a certain shade of green to how successful her marriage or career is. We want to see how we measure up.
Guys—don’t stop reading. I suspect you may be able to relate to this on some level. And if not, it may be a window you don’t usually have.
We don’t mean to be malicious…unless we find her to be superior to ourselves in some area—then she better watch her back. A woman with glaring flaws is comfortable and even endearing. A woman who might have the one-up on us somewhere is threatening. We may love and admire her. She might be our sister or our best friend, but something inside us screams, “Find something wrong with her!” If we can take her down a notch, we don’t have to feel like we are falling short.
(If you’re a woman and you don’t struggle with this, please pretend like you do so we can still be friends.)
My husband teases me because I take this to a whole new level. I draw on the most admirable traits of all the women I’ve ever known and create the composite woman. Sometimes I’m so delusional that I think I’ve really met this lady somewhere along the line.
She is amazing. She doesn’t give her appearance a second thought, but she always looks perfect. She is elegant, casual, refined, down to earth, athletic, intellectual, fun, energetic, grounded, laid back, and very motivated. She keeps an impeccable home at all times. Her life is very well ordered, but she is ready to cheerfully welcome any interruption in her schedule. She always does what is on her to-do list. She is an incredibly fun and creative mom. She is a consistent disciplinarian, but she never actually has to discipline her kids because she has built so many wonderful things into them that they are never naughty. She makes gourmet meals for her husband every night. She enjoys watching guy movies with him while rubbing his back. She builds him up and encourages him without even trying and never places any unfair expectations on him. She also earns a nice side income for the family from the business she started in her spare time. She always enjoys a good challenge. I know, philosophically speaking, that she is not perfect, but you’d never know it to look at her life.
I both admire and resent this woman. I want to be just like her someday. Other women would be completely uncomfortable around me, but I would graciously forgive their weakness.
Some of the things I want to be are healthy aspirations that I can and should work toward. But nobody can be all of those things. Why do I do this to myself? Honestly, I’m not exactly sure. I think it basically comes down to having erroneous standards for what makes me successful. I want to bypass having to listen to what God has to say on the subject. I get so consumed by wanting to be superwoman that I forget who I really am. I am God’s precious little girl. He knows who I can be. He sees all the beauty and potential inside. He knows where I need to grow and be more disciplined. He knows how He has gifted me and how He wants to use me. He knows me and I am a treasure to Him.
I’m sure that I need to say goodbye to composite woman and learn to listen to my Father better. How does He see me? I hope to learn that better for the rest of my life. I suspect that is where true confidence comes from—knowing who I am in Him.