When we finished school and began looking for open doors, we were expecting God to do something at any moment. It was intimidating but exciting to search the web for open jobs. We talked often of what positions would be a good fit for my husband and how they would affect me and the kids. We pounced on our emails several times a day and had the sense every time the phone rang that this could be “the one.” Hubby organized the garage and got rid of extra stuff. I did the same in the closets. We wanted to do whatever we could to prepare for what was coming. We might be called on to move at any time—or maybe just become very busy with the new job or ministry.
Here I am several weeks later, moping and pouting that God is taking such a long time. My initial expectation and motivation has been replaced by a temptation to find activities that distract me from thinking about the future at all. The to do list has had the same few things checked off for the past three weeks. What would I say if God fired a few simple questions at me?
Would you be ready to move if I asked you?
Have you ordered your household in such a way that you could cheerfully sacrifice significant amounts of your time or your husband’s time?
Have you been intentional about preparing yourself spiritually and emotionally to be a strong partner and support no matter what comes?
Are you handling your current circumstances with trust and maturity?
At best, I would have to answer “Not really” to all of the above. And yet I plead in my heart, “Hurry up, God! Don’t you see me?” I wonder how that strikes Him. I’m not suggesting that my lack of expectation and readiness is staying God’s hand, but I’m certain He notices.
Our situation really hasn’t changed—except for having to reckon with the fact that God didn’t respect our imaginary deadlines. My skewed perspective has been allowing me to feel insulted that God hasn’t shown us our next assignment while I do next to nothing to be ready for it.
We can’t, of course, be completely accurate, but don’t you think it might be useful to try to imagine what our behavior looks like from God’s perspective now and again? Anyone else have an “ouch” moment like this to share?